Since more than a year, I have been loathing this site. The reasons are many, based mostly on what I have experienced through it. During my stance here, I have found really fake, hurtful people. People who only wants you to be a "mass-production art" machine, and when you are in deep bottom, they just ignore you. People who says "this is my friend" and when hard times come they are nowhere to be seen. Racists, intolerants, people who really need pro help, mean, people who think they are smart but aren't, people who think they are the best and ignore the rest of the world, and others who use pity to attract attention. People who say "I'm leaving" and the next day, are "I'm happy". People who uses others. People who has ZERO talent but gets a ton of "commissions" and people with a fuckton of talent who are mostly ignored.
Now, I'm not saying that all of you are, because I have found really awesome people, who had helped me through these really hard times, who had made me smile, who have even supported me with money while being sick. People who I owe words of support, who I would want to meet personally to thank for being real friends.
Anyways, that was not the idea of this journal. That was just a little rant. For the people who fills the descriptions of the first paragraph... you can just fuck off. For the really nice people from this site... never change. You're the reason why this "community" still has something good.
Into the right matter...
During this year, my improvements in art, concerning drawing have been really poor, and I have decided on something, important for me, and maybe for the people watching me (do those even still... exist?).
Fan service is over. Closed. Done.
Don't make me requests of drawing this or that character. Character I draw, will be done because I WANT to do it.
I feel that in part, my spark of inspiration got lost in the way for trying to please others, and forcing myself to do so.
So... make good OCs. Attract my attention. Give them good backgrounds, create awesome stories with them. Maybe that way, your OC could be featured on my art sometime.
I decided to give a 360° turn to my art. I won't do any more coloring in anime style. Instead, I will practice to do something more illustrative. Maybe like concept art... or something more reallistic.
That doesn't mean that I hate anime now. It's true that I dislike many recent series, but... my tastes have changed. I'm picky.
Back on the main topic, I think that I just... need another turn. I want my drawings to actually MEAN something. To make impact. And lately, they were just to complete the "requirement" of pleasing someone. That's pretty much what I do at work with programming, and certainly I am not pleased with it. I was falling in the same void with art, and that's why I got to this bottomless pit of frustration, increased the lack of selfesteem, and summed up with more stuff around (both online and RL), took me to try stupid acts like cutting myself, hitting myself until I was bleeding, and have suicidal thoughts 24/7. I got sick many times, have been suffering for 5 months of chronic insomnia, the hormonal problem gets worse at times, I have breathing problems while sleeing, I'm considered an hypertensive person, and I'm waiting for the doctor to also send me to some specialized person to check on my depression and anxiety.
I was pretty much considering leaving DeviantArt, but... here I have many important stuff saved like the tutorials, and I really want to keep them. I think I will continue not being much active, but I do check DA frequently, to see my friends' improvements, to give them advice, to praise or give a critique to their work. Also, of course, to lurk for tutorials, which is pretty much the only thing I'm interested about from this place.
Also, I started knitting thanks to
KnitLizzy, who taught me the basics so I could start doing so, so you might see stuff like that too.
If anyone wants to add me to some IM service or Facebook, feel free to do so. Need my info? Note me.
I thank to the people who hasn't actually disappeared from my reach on the last months. Thanks to their words... honestly... thanks to that people is why I'm still talking to you today.
PD: Some of the art on this gallery might disappear. I recommend you people who want to save some (who am I kidding? I know no one will do anything) of the art to do it soon. It might be not there tomorrow.
PD2: Don't bother with free memberships or anything. The less I'm related to this site, better. Actually I'm WAY more active on Facebook and on Tumblr. Want the accounts? Note me.
Furiael out.
Design by Furiael